Casandra: On Eloping

If you've got the link to this blog... then you now know that Michael and I are married!

Breathe, people!!!

Congratulations and all that jazz, right?

As I sit to write this, we are not officially married. Kind of strange but not really. We both have our reasons for wanting to do this in a covert operation kind of way. Hopefully those nearest and dearest, and loved, by us will understand. Please note that this is my perspective... Mack's will come later if I can get him to sit down and put thought to (er)... paper.

I pissed off quite a few people the first time I got married in a secretive fashion. I think mainly I hurt some feelings. But this is never my intention. I woke up one morning and my now ex asked if I wanted to get married. I said "Sure". No engagement ring, makeshift wedding bands produced from my own jewelry box, and a couple of hours later on September 14th of 1995 we were married. Let's face it... if you've heard the story about my first trip into marital bliss... then you know that the actual day and proceedings were quite entertaining to say the least.

A preacher in a blue polyester leisure suit on my ex's sister's front porch in the middle of the country replete with tractors riding by so that no one could hear exactly what the preacher was even saying... Reading out of a paperback book entitled "Bible Wisdom for Newlyweds" with the pricetag from Rose's still in the upper corner of the book touting the low price of only 2.99. The preacher kept saying "And she'll be yours, and he'll be yours". I'm not sure if he got that particular addage out of that lovely book, but it didn't bode well for the marriage that I was laughing the entire time.

My wedding day attire consisted of jeans, a particular polo shirt that later became dubbed "the puke shirt", and my infamous pair of Nike ACG sandals that are three years older than my now eleven year old son. Once I had to sit down on the porch swing because I was laughing that hard. We never even uttered the words "I do". Our honeymoon night was spent on the living room floor in slumber party fashion.

That particular wedding cost the price of the license, a glass of water and the $20 that dear preacher charged as his fee, two years of my life tracking down my ex to get a divorce, and approximately $1000 to get the divorce. The wedding night resulted in a pregnancy that produced my son, which added the expense of a hospital bill somewhere around $2000.

Weddings are expensive.

Savings to those that would have been in my wedding party: a trip to the hospital because of the side splitting hilarity which would have resulted in various injuries as they fell off that porch. Not too mention the time saved worrying about what to wear in fear of upstaging the bride in her blue polo shirt. Which lets face it... would not have been hard to do.

So, the story goes that I met Michael at one of my best friend's wedding. How cliche.

Actually, as he reminds me, Michael and I met at the rehearsal dinner for Andrea and Brian's wedding. Comments had already been made by certain members of the party to both of us that Michael and I would get along famously. We spent most of that night avoiding one another in an attempt to thwart all efforts in what I felt was an attempt at match making.

I remember thinking that he must consider himself "self-important" since any available moment he had was spent tucked away outside in some obscure angle of a building with his cell phone attached to his ear. I found this trait annoying.

He ended up staying at my house that night because of the over abundance of groomsmen and lack of space at Andrea and Brian's. Michael, Allie, and myself chatted a bit that night. I admitted to Allie I found him "nice" after conversing with him a bit more. This did not prevent me from trying to avoid him the day of the wedding. Which was hard to do as it is a small church and people kept asking the question, "So, what do you think of Mike....?"

My mindset was to ignore him all the more.

After all, how dare my best friends assume that they knew that he would be perfect for me... I was appalled. I hadn't been able to find the perfect one myself in over ten years. How could they be so arrogant and unthoughtful as to think they could instantly know this man who was in the middle of a divorce and six hours away was right for me? Okay, so consider this my formal apology. You both knew. I was wrong and you were right. Hell, most everybody there knew. I think I'm just pissed that we were the last ones to figure it out.

For the record, nothing transpired between Michael and myself that night after we went to the Pub. Aside from him earning my nickname for him of "Mack" and a night of conversing on the couch. Not even a kiss, though I did get my face traced. I know it looked sketchy when I dropped him off the next morning and everyone was sure that we had performed the horizontal mambo.

One beautiful wedding, a night out with some of the groomsmen, many months of talking on the phone, much anticipated visits here and there... and the rest, as they say, is history.

I met my Mack at precisely the right time in my life. Mack met me perhaps at precisely the wrong time in his life. Yet somehow it all worked out.

Eleven years and some odd months after that failed marriage I find myself in love with Michael, whom I want to spend the rest of my life with. So certain of my love for this man... I popped the question back in August. To his credit... he accepted. The fact that I am the one who asked for his hand in marriage has kind of set the stage for how this will all play out. I mean, technically, can I really expect an engagement ring since I'm the one who asked? I say no and feel this would be an unjust demand to make of my Mack. So we decide to forego the usual engagement ring. No engagement ring... no engagement, right? Makes sense to me.

Discussions ensued. I could go into great detail about every little thing that was said, and how this elopement came to fruition. In a nutshell we wanted to do this our way. Our way is not the traditional way. We're not knocking the traditional way... we're just saying it isn't for us. We didn't want to exclude certain people because of the where and the when of the date. So we decided to exclude everybody for the actual ceremony part of it. We both agreed to keep it between ourselves. It's been hard not to share... believe me.

As everything has unfolded in the past months, it has given us the opportunity to find out many things about ourselves as a couple. We've discovered that we work quite well together and not just in theory. We found that we are able to compromise about what is important to the other person and have really been able to focus on the "us" of it. Hell, we've managed to combine much needed vacations, a honeymoon, and a wedding all into one travel itinerary. I'm thrifty, what can I say?

So, on March 17th of 2008, we were married in front of St. Louis Cemetary #1 in New Orleans, LA at sunset.

The bride wore a white dress (gasp) with accents of emerald green on the bodice and train. She carried a bouquet of red roses accented with a green ribbon. Her feet were adorned with a pair of green low top Chucks.

The groom wore a crisp white shirt, simple black dress pants, a pair of black suspenders in tribute to his grandfather, and a pair of green high top Chucks.

Wedding bands were exchanged. The bride was presented with a simple band of white gold. The groom was presented with the bride's favorite possession... her father's wedding band.

In attendance were the violinist and a cymbal clapping monkey named Millhouse.

The bride has chosen to take back her maiden name... and add to that the last name of her husband.

We hope that at a later date that all of our friends and family will join us in a post-wedded bliss ceremony where they will be able to celebrate, or mourn, in an appropriate fashion and in whatever degree of inebriation they would like.

Both the bride and groom are hoping that those whom would have theoretically been in our wedding party will participate in the planning of this event after they get over their moment of shock and/or state of being pissed off.

As we have not been traditional up to this point, the sky is pretty much the limit when it comes to this occassion. Though we know it will be informal, will definitely include drinking, and probably involve buffalo wings. If nothing else we will bribe you with the knowledge that our wedding pictures will be made available for viewing at this time.

Along with what our elopement spared many of you in the way of a themed wedding... Because it was headed dangerously down that road.

Sincerely and with much love,
Mrs. Adkins-Baileys